While I don't condone the action - -

I certainly do understand the impulse!

 

 

While conducting some business at the Court House, I overheard a lady, who had been arrested for assaulting a Mammogram Technician, say, “Your Honor, I’m guilty, but…..there were extenuating circumstances.”

The female Judge said, sarcastically, “I’d certainly like to hear those extenuating circumstances.” I did too, so I listened as the lady told her story.

 

“Your Honor, I had a mammogram appointment, which I actually kept. I was met by this perky little clipboard carrier smiling from ear to ear and she tilted her head to one side and crooned, “Hi! I’m Belinda! All I need you to do is step into this room right here, strip to the waist, then slip on this gown. Everything clear?”

I’m thinking, “Belinda, try decaf. This ain’t rocket science.” Belinda then skipped away to prepare the chamber of horrors.

With the right side finished, Belinda flipped me (literally) to the left and said, “Hmmmm. Can you stand on your tippy toes and lean in a tad so we can get everything?” Fine, I answered.

I was freezing, bruised, and out of air, so why not use the remaining circulation in my legs and neck to finish me off? My body was in a holding pattern that defied gravity (with my other breast wedged between those two 4-inch pieces of square glass) when I heard and felt a zap!

Complete darkness, the power was off!

Belinda said, “Uh-oh, maintenance is working, bet they hit a snag.” Then she headed for the door.

“Excuse me! You’re not leaving me in this vise alone are you?” I shouted.

Belinda kept going and said, “Oh, you fussy puppy…the door’s wide open so you’ll have the emergency hall lights. I’ll be right back.”

Before I could shout NOOOO! she disappeared.

And that’s exactly how Bubba and Earl, “maintenance men Extraordinaire” found me…half-naked with part of me dangling from the Jaws of Life and the other part smashed between glass!

After exchanging a polite, ‘Hi, how’s it going’ type greeting, Bubba (or possibly Earl) asked, to my utter disbelief, if I knew the power was off.

Trying to disguise my hysteria, I replied with as much calmness as possible, “Uh, yes, I did but thanks anyway.”

“OK, you take care now,” Bubba replied and waved good-bye as though I’d been standing in the line at the grocery store.

Two hours later, Belinda breezes in wearing a sheepish grin.

Making no attempt to suppress her amusement, she said, “Oh, I am sooo sorry! The power came back on and I totally forgot about you! And silly me, I went to lunch. Are we upset?”

And that, Your Honor, is exactly how her head ended up between the clamps….”

The judge could hardly contain her laughter as she said, “Case Dismissed!”

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Comments (27)

  1. noahbody

    LOL!

    December 01, 2016
    1. SEC

      Yup LoL

      December 01, 2016
      1. noahbody

        She deserved it….

        December 01, 2016
        1. SEC

          oh very much so!

          December 01, 2016
          1. briton

            I both understand the impulse and APPLAUD the action.

            December 01, 2016
            1. SEC

              and the understanding of the judge

              December 01, 2016
  2. willsblog

    I have learned from my wife that Mamograms are pure torture. You’d think that someone would invent a better way to screen for breast cancer beside clamping a women’s mammary glands in a vise. It even sounds painful though I’ve never been through it. I’d love to know who invented the Mamogram, male or female…

    December 01, 2016
    1. SEC

      I’d be tempted to exhume them if dead, just to kill them

      December 01, 2016
      1. willsblog

        I wouldn’t want to harm anyone unless my family or my safety was threatened.

        December 01, 2016
        1. SEC

          maybe just find an equivalent bodypart to scrunch and mangle as payback

          December 01, 2016
          1. willsblog

            Now THAT I would wholeheartedly support!

            December 01, 2016
            1. SEC

              December 01, 2016
  3. GoldenPig2012

    Hmmm. I just had one the first of October. Had one in 2009, too. Uncomfortable, but, not torture. Giving birth and some menstrual cramps are a hell of a lot more painful. This anecdote is hilarious, but………not realistic as far as I’m concerned. I GUARANTEE I would NEVER have been forgotten with my breast trapped in mam-o-rater. Oh, hell, no, I’d have been noticed and the fucking jaws of life would have been brought in.

    December 01, 2016
    1. SEC

      I’ve had the opposite sensation having the breast scrunched and pulled exceeded the mentrual cycle for me

      December 01, 2016
      1. GoldenPig2012

        Many do. But, we are all different. Pain is different for all of us, but, I think I’d have been even MORE vocal (not to mention vulgar) if I’d been stuck in a machine if it hurt for me like it did you. I’m a bitch, a hateful, loud bitch.

        December 01, 2016
        1. SEC

          Oh I was vocal you can lay money on that

          December 01, 2016
  4. GoldenPig2012

    For the record: the woman should have all charges dismissed and the little “oops, I forgot you” bitch should be charged with negligence of duty. Does that apply to civilians as well as military? Probably not, but…….in this case, it should. Bet she wouldn’t be so fucking perky after being ignored in jail a while.

    December 01, 2016
    1. SEC

      I don’t know but it should definitely

      December 01, 2016
      1. GoldenPig2012

        Damn. We agree.

        December 01, 2016
        1. SEC

          Yeah we gotta stop or it might become a habit

          December 01, 2016
          1. GoldenPig2012

            Damned STRAIGHT!! People will talk and, ugh, shudder………….somehow associate the two of us as……………….more than what we are.

            December 02, 2016
  5. wirelessguru1

    Damn! LOL!!!

    December 01, 2016
    1. SEC

      December 01, 2016
  6. fierylady

    Oh I KNOW how she must have felt. OWIE!!!!

    December 01, 2016
    1. SEC

      yup me too

      December 01, 2016
  7. sharnsgarden

    I won’t have mammograms a they bruise and tear muscles, then they bombard you with radiation.
    I had a bruise that went down to my hip and down my arm to the elbow.

    December 02, 2016
    1. SEC

      that is doing things very wrong

      December 02, 2016